Love Letter Written In A Burning Building

I’ve been thinking a lot about what my life is like this year as opposed to last year.  I question if I’m happier now, and sometimes I’m not sure.  Happiness is such an abstract concept.  I was definitely more secure and had some sort of support network.  All that said, my relationship (though I really love my ex) was stifling and Florida was not somewhere I wanted to stay. 

The jury is still out on Chicago. It’s a hard city to live in.  It’s cheap, but the economy is shit and the weather is dreadful. I’m going to give it awhile, but the jury is still out.  I honestly don’t see myself here in five years; I’m not sure if I see myself here in a year. But where would I go?  DC or NYC are options, as are Austin and Portland. The idea of finding home is becoming more important as I get older.

I’m not really sure if anyone reads these anymore; A year ago I had several hundred more followers than I have today…the idea of anonymity is attractive to a lot of Tumblrites…now that I’m just me and out the fascination has waned with a lot of readers and I understand. With all that said, here’s the synopsis of 2011 vs 2012.

2011

• Just shy of 300 lbs and in shit health. 
• Support network
• A relationship with someone who was emotionally unavailable.
• Decent job that wasn’t too stressful. 
• Rarely drank because of said job and the fact I was in a relationship where it just didn’t work well.
• Beautiful home with dogs I love to death and a great deal of security.
• Said home was in a city I just didn’t connect with.
• Very stressful lifestyle requiring a lot of income to keep up. 
• Car!
• No real social life outside of lunch and dinner dates.

2012

• Just shy of 200 lbs….health is debatable.
  
• No real support network in Chicago…still looking for those connections.  Perhaps I don’t put myself out there enough.  I don’t really know.  Chicago is definitely a hard place to develop relationships
• Relationship that has become more of a friendship for a number of reasons. I’m okay with this at this point in my life. — I don’t mark this as either good or bad.
• Shit job!  This has more to do with the fact that I’m not really looking very hard.
• Drinking…yes drinking…amongst other things!  I’ve definitely made up for lost time.  Days wondering the city with flasks and hanging out in shitty bike messenger bars and evenings drinking PBR and other really cheap beers (Hamm’s anyone?) at dive bars and cheap shows.  I never really saw myself here, but I like it for the time being. 
• Live in a big (fairly empty) apartment in Logan Square with two roommates. I’ve never had roommates before and it’s strange but not bad.
• City is still up in the air.
• Less stress in some respects, but now I stress over amounts of money I used to blow in an afternoon.  I live on 1/10th of what I lived on a year ago. 
• Public transit and bike…..I miss my car.
• Social life is strange but probably improved over before.